


Seventeen and One

by Stydiem



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A tiny bit of Raven and Bellamy too I guess, Bellarke, F/M, This either turned out really well or really badly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:10:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3972244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stydiem/pseuds/Stydiem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is based off of a Tumblr post I love that's something like "25 Haikus for every girl I've slept with"? Or something along those lines (I'll link it after) so I wanted to do something like that but with Bellamy and all the girls he's slept with (let's be real there's been quite a few even just on the ground, so I kinda wanted to investigate his history before earth/ who he was with on the arc) with obviously, the last girl being Clarke. There's a little story/ poem, for every one, it changes for each girl. I think that Bellamy is one of the most layered characters I've encountered in a long time, and delving into his different complexes and emotions was really interesting for me with this one. I really enjoyed writing this so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Please leave any feedback if you enjoy it (or if you don't) Here you go! </p><p>The inspiration: http://www.browneyed-soul.com/quotesmiscellaneous/benedict-smith-a-haiku-for-every-girl-ive-ever-slept-with</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The First

 

She had long brown hair that swayed back and forth when she walked. That was what had originally drawn her to him, that long hair. 

Bellamy was 15 and he was mad. Mad at his mother, for giving him a sister that shouldn’t have existed. Mad at his father, for leaving the woman who had loved him more than anyone had ever been loved. But most of all, Bellamy was mad at himself.

 

The only thing he could think of that could possibly make him feel better was that girl with the long brown hair. So there he was, following her on her way back from their Botany class.

 

“Lillian!” he called out to her, and she stopped, turning slowly to face him. A small smile played on her lips. Bellamy started up a jog as the lights in the hallway flickered, the glow of them reflecting off the metal walls.

 

“Hey” Bellamy finally caught up to her, and quirked the smile he knew would reel her in. It worked. Lillian smiled back, her eyelashes batting as she did so.

 

“What’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be in detention?” Lillian inquired, tilting her head slightly. Bellamy watched her tongue flick out and wet her lips, just slightly. He swallowed. _Don’t be nervous, you tool_. It’s not like you _like her_ , anyway.

 

“Ya, but I weaseled my way out. They see me there often enough anyway.” Bellamy grinned, leaning against the opposite wall as Lillian laughed, the sound echoing in the empty corridor like bells pealing.

 

“You could get in serious trouble for that, you know.” Lillian warned. And it wasn’t like Bellamy didn’t know that, he did. It was walking a fine line between school yard fun and full blown felony territory. A full blown felony that got you floated the minute you turned 18. Sure, you could skip detention. But you were also breaking rules, and at a certain point, breaking rules crossed the line.

 

“I could get in serious trouble for this too.” And then Bellamy kissed her softly on the lips. She leaned towards him and he weaved his hands into her long brown hair. She let out a soft sigh.

 

Even though he was 15, he was already tall, and Lillian lifted onto her tiptoes to return the kiss, and then she was grabbing his hand and leading him further down the hall. The lights flickered again as they stepped inside of her family’s quarters, and Bellamy hesitated.

 

“It’s okay, my parents are working until late. We’re alone.” Lillian calmed him.

 

“Good.” Bellamy replied, pushing her further into the room.

 

Bellamy closed the door behind them, hearing it seal shut as he kept kissing her. Lillian fumbled with her shirt, pulling it over her head. Bellamy did the same, minus the fumbling. He wasn’t going to fumble, not with this.

 

Then he pushed her down on the bed and they removed their clothes, and as she called out his name Bellamy looked down at her face and felt nothing. And when they had finished Lillian tried to cuddle but he was already on his way out. He had gotten his release, the anger temporarily sated. That was the first time.


	2. Chapter 2

The Second

 

Three months later and Bellamy was whispering in an ear while his fingers slid down the curve of its owner’s spine. The girl shivered and he removed the round glasses from her face.

 

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

 

“No one’s ever told me that before.” She said. He kissed her instead of replying. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Third

 

A group of his friends had stolen homemade moonshine from their parents one night and were swigging it back in an abandoned storage room. Bellamy pursued a fiery red head until he wasn’t sure if he was drunk on the booze or her.

 

She made him forget his name and the way she jutted her chin out when he tried to woo her made him feel more powerless than he’d been in a long time. She was a year older and he thought he might have fallen in love with her if she hadn’t been floated a week later for the very same bottle of moonshine.

 

Bellamy knew guilt was supposed to hurt, but he didn’t know what to do when it felt like knives were slicing through him in the middle of the night.

 

When Octavia asked what was wrong, he told her to go back to bed. Instead, she curled up beside him and stroked his hair until he fell asleep with tears in his eyes. He shouldn’t have let her take the bottle.

 

She hadn’t deserved to die, none of them had. He held onto Octavia even tighter every day after that.


	4. Chapter 4

The Fourth

 

Bellamy watched as a girl he barely knew danced in the middle of a field in the agriculture section. Instead of telling her to stop because he was supposed to be training for the Guard, he went down to meet her, his boots squishing in the muddy ground.

 

When he reached her, she stopped, her mouthing forming a little ‘o’. The sprinklers came on, and he kissed her right out in the open. It only took a second for her to kiss him back. They made love in a tool shed and never spoke again. 


	5. Chapter 5

The Fifth

 

The only thing Bellamy felt was guilt. Anger, maybe. Grief. But his entire being was almost entirely consumed by the guilt. His sister was gone, his mother too. He sat alone everyday in their quarters- his quarters- now. He brought a girl home one day to feel something else. Anything else.

 

He didn’t manage that, but he did feel numb, at least for a bit. The slight relief was addictive. He didn’t remember her name or what she looked like, but he did remember that she tasted like medicine.


	6. Chapter 6

The Sixth

 

People warned him to stay away from her because she made hell look like home and there was a storm in her eyes, but he wanted to be with someone as cruel as him.

 

He followed her into an airlock where she dug her fingers so far into his back he bled. He still has the marks.


	7. Chapter 7

The Seventh and The Eighth

 

They were best friends; Grace and Annabelle. They kissed the same way and their hair was the exact same shade of black.

 

When they were lying in bed afterwards he panicked and ran out of the room because he had the most distinct feeling that they were sisters and somehow they were both alive. 

 

He felt more jealous than he ever had in his life. Why did they get to keep their sister and he didn’t? He calmed himself down that night with the assurance that he had made it up, his anguish manifesting into imaginary details. 


	8. Chapter 8

The Ninth

 

She kissed too hard and used her teeth when she went down on him. He spent twenty minutes with her and never went back for more.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The Tenth

 

He would’ve kept kissing her forever but she found a boy with a sweeter smile and kinder eyes. His arms protected her more than Bellamy’s ever could, and for days after Bellamy sat on the floor of his room because no matter what he did they never stayed.

 


	10. Chapter 10

The Eleventh

 

She wanted a distraction and so did he, so they pulled at each other’s hair in dark rooms for a couple months and ignored each other after that.


	11. Chapter 11

The Twelfth

 

She was soft and tasted sweeter than peaches. He played with her wild curls for hours on end while she read him poetry about massive oceans and green forests.

 

He wasn’t sure if he liked being around her or her stories more. She caught a virus after a few months and was in the Hospital Wing for three weeks before she died. If the arc had eased up on their strict rations she might have been saved.

 

Bellamy began to hate the arc even more, if that was possible. She was the last girl he slept with on the arc, because the day after she died he was on a ship hurtling towards earth.


	12. Chapter 12

The Thirteenth

 

She was beautiful and came onto him and he was starved for physical contact so they went at it, all groping and shoving against the walls of the drop ship. When Wells came back with clothes Bellamy huffed out a groan and pushed her off of him.

 

“Get dressed, I have stuff to do.” She looked at him blankly.

 

“Look, I’m sorry, but these people are idiots. Especially Jaha Jr.” She finally got up and pulled on her clothes. He didn’t bother to put on a shirt before he followed her out, stopping at the entrance of the drop ship.

 

“You still don’t get it, do you Chancellor?” She gave him a kiss before walking off. He would’ve rather that part hadn’t happened. Wells stared at him, his mouthing hanging open slightly.

 

“This is home now.” He finished.


	13. Chapter 13

The Fourteenth

 

She had skin soft as the flowers that bordered their camp and Bellamy spent countless nights with her until one evening she didn’t show up at his tent like she normally did.

 

After a search party was sent out, she was found with an arrow through her chest and her eyes still open. Bellamy had a slight crisis afterwards, smashing a system of wiring delicately put back together by Monty. Why did everyone he touch seem to die? 

 


	14. Chapter 14

The Fifteenth and The Sixteenth

 

They were fun while it lasted before Bellamy had to get up and get to work. A ship had landed and he had to get to it before Clarke and the others did. There was no way any survivors in that pod were going to contact the arc and let them know that Chancellor Jaha’s assassinator was still alive and well.

 

They were still in his tent fast asleep by the time he was gone. 


	15. Chapter 15

The Seventeenth

 

“They don’t waste time, I’ll give em’ that.” She said, hands stuffed in her pockets.

 

He’d gone in there looking for more bullets, that’s it. He’d been trying to do better, to be more conservative with his partners. But when he’d walked in she’d been so upset about _stupid_ Finn, and that bothered Bellamy too, though he couldn’t quite pin point it. It was just annoying that Clarke would run off with him, of all people. Especially now.

 

Not that he thought she really had, of course. Raven was just paranoid. But then again, maybe. The thought made Bellamy shudder so he pushed it away.

 

“What’s it been, day and a half?” She inquired, indignation lacing her voice.

 

“You’re mistaking me for someone who cares.” But he kind of did. “Time to move on.” It would be better for everyone. Clarke could stop feeling so damn guilty, which he knew she did. Raven deserved better. And Finn, well, Finn was another story.

 

Bellamy took off his jacket, and Raven sat down on the bed. She looked him up and down, and he got ready to shake his head. No… that’s not what he’d meant.

 

Raven started to undress.

 

“What are you doing?” He asked.

 

“Moving on.” She replied, shimmying out of her pants. Bellamy had no idea what to do. He settled for standing there and trying not to look at her. Which was hard, because she was beautiful. But he was supposed to be doing better.

 

She took her hair out of its ponytail and inched towards him. He watched as she swallowed hard before looking him in the eye.

 

“I’ve never been with anyone but Finn.” She inched closer still. “Take off your clothes.”

 

Bellamy hesitated once more. “Fine. I’ll go first.” And with that, Raven removed her shirt.

 

One last try at being the better person. He could do it. She looked at him like he was a tropical fruit she was ready to bite into, and he felt like he would have let her at any second. But he needed to make sure she wasn’t just doing this for the sake of it.

 

“If you’re looking for someone to talk you down, tell you you’re just upset and not thinking straight, I’m not that guy.”

 

She never blinked once. “Good.”

 

And then she was kissing him and he was kissing her back, and their hands were everywhere and she tasted nice. He briefly had the thought that Finn was a fool for letting her go, but thinking of Finn made him think of Finn and Clarke, and that made him want to kill something, so he decided to stop thinking at all, to just go with it.

 

His shirt joined hers on the ground and they feverishly kissed. He lifted her up so she was straddling him, then laid her down on the bed.

 

When they had finished, he asked her if it had helped. She told him it hadn’t. He knew the feeling.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

The Eighteenth

 

Bellamy had never let himself love anyone because all he had ever known was loss. His mother had loved his father more than anything in the world, and that hadn’t mattered. He had still left.

 

You could long for something with your entire being, believe in it wholeheartedly. But that didn’t mean it would return the favour. Fate was a nasty thing, and Bellamy didn’t believe in it. People were cruel and they rarely were good.

 

But if there was one good thing in this god forsaken world, it was Clarke. She had left him standing at the edge of Camp Jaha, ripped a hole through his heart and left him bleeding and vulnerable. She had been gone for what felt like forever, yet she remained the sole thing he thought of, day in, day out.

 

He swore it hadn’t been this bad when she was here. When he could see her, it seemed almost like he could suppress the growing fondness he had for her, the fondness, so alien to him, that once it had turned to love, had been surpressed for so it was unrecognizable until it was too late.

 

But now he recognized it for what it really was; he was madly in love with Clarke Griffin. And she was gone. He hadn’t followed her, he’d let her go. At the time it had seemed like the right decision, that that was what she needed. He had never been more wrong.

 

One night, two weeks after Clarke had left, Bellamy was walking the perimeter of the camp having taken a nightshift that nobody else had wanted. He tended to do that a lot these days, and he was lying if he said it wasn’t because he wanted to look for Clarke while he was patrolling.

 

When he saw her, he thought he was dreaming. He must’ve fallen asleep- she couldn’t possibly be there- in front of him. She stood 10 or so feet away, looking like she was afraid to come any closer. He started towards her, and he noticed she was blinking back tears.

 

She saw him and he watched as a smile slowly lit up her face, and he swore he was just floated. He didn’t know how to stand. He was unaware of anything but Clarke, Clarke, Clarke. He was lost in space, the only thing directing him her.

 

He stumbled towards her unconsciously and then she ran at him. Before they reached each other she leaped up and wrapped her arms and legs around him, crushing her face into his neck and making small sobbing noises.

 

“Clarke, oh Clarke. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He breathed in the smell of her hair, so unbelievably  _her._ If he was dreaming, may he never wake up.

 

She pulled back, still tangled in him, and looked at his face. She laughed a little “I think I do have an idea, because I missed you more.”

 

He shook his head, but was too busy looking at her and holding her waist and feeling her under his hands that he stopped mid-shake. She smiled again, looking right back at him.

 

They both held their breath, afraid to move, never breaking eye contact. Then they leaned in at the same time, finally crashing their mouths together like a supernova. Two stars coming together with a bang.

 

Bellamy thought he had died and gone to heaven. He couldn’t get enough of her, couldn’t get close enough to her. He wanted to melt into her until they were the same person. Their mouths moved in sync, a dance like no other.

 

Bellamy felt like he might pass out if he didn’t get air pretty soon, but didn’t want to break the kiss. Luckily, Clarke pulled away first. Bellamy set her down and put his hands on either side of her face, and finally let go.

 

“Clarke, you need to listen to me. Please tell me you’ll never do that again. Please tell me you’re back, that you won’t leave me- I mean, us- no, fuck it- me- again. I need you more than anything. I love you. I love you so much. I never knew what it felt like until I met you and I didn’t let myself realize it but I’ve loved you since you stopped me from opening that damn door in the drop ship. Hell, I think I loved you even before then. You and I- we’re one and the same. I hated myself for most of my life and it took me 23 years but then I met you, and I realized that I am not a monster for doing what I have to do- you made me see the good in myself since it’s so easy to see in you.” He was crying, but he didn’t care. His chest was heaving and he felt like he might vomit but then he noticed that Clarke was crying too. “Please, Clarke. See the good in you too.”

 

She looked up at him. “I love you too.” She started to sob. “I love you too.”

 

“Shh, shh. It’s okay. I’m here.” Bellamy soothed her and she cried into his chest, and when he pressed his lips to hers she calmed down, leaning into him so hard he almost fell over.

 

“I’m so happy you love me too.” She whispered. “Me too.” He said into her hair.

 

“Before I come back to the camp, can we do something first?” Clarke asked.

 

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. “What do you need to do?”

 

“Is there somewhere we can go that’s more… private?” Clarke asked. Bellamy felt like he might pass out.

 

“Yes, yes there is. I know just the place.” He grabbed her hand and led her into the forest. A ways in he stopped and told her to close her eyes. They continued a bit along a worn down path until he told her to open them.

 

“Look up.” Clarke did. As she took in the impressive tree house, Bellamy started to climb the ladder that led up to it, built into the massive trunk.

 

“This is wonderful” Clarke said, following behind him. Once they were inside Bellamy gave her less than a second to take in the structure before his mouth was on hers, and he was pulling off her jacket, and she was pulling off his, and neither of them had bathed for weeks and they were filthy and disgusting but Bellamy also wouldn’t have had it any other way.

 

Clarke was the eighteenth, and she made Bellamy realize why it had taken seventeen to get to her.

 

 


End file.
